There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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