Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
