maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
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