at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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