whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
