all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
