i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
