Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
