hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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