too bad you live with your parents still
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
