The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
