Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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