Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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