the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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