I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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