it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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