Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
