i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
