he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
third nipple confirmed
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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