perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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