it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
