If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
