Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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