I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
