Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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