so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
