Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
