is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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