I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
