I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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