I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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