I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
