Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
