the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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