everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
