I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
