So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just tell him i said nine months
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
