god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
