It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
