My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
