I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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