i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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