I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
