I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
