I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
