Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You left your phone here
Wait...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
