We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
