Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
