Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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