Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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