I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
