i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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