They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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