just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
